


Wedding: impossible

by Wizardchester91



Category: Archer (Cartoon)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-18
Updated: 2016-02-18
Packaged: 2018-05-21 12:07:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6051043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wizardchester91/pseuds/Wizardchester91
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Archer pops the question</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Proposal

"You know what, that is just like you!" Lana snapped in retort to Archers latest lame, half drunk excuse for the reason that the two suitcases containing a biological weapon were now sitting somewhere at the bottom of the Missouri river. 

"Oh you know what, Shut up! And Also, marry me!"

His ice blue eyes went from their typical playfulness to something soft and vulnerable, and Lana froze, skipping a beat. 

"Havnt we been over this?" She answered quietly, instantly regretting it as pain lanced his features for a brief second. Shit. The last time he had asked her to marry him she had told him she would rather have a late term miscarriage. Shit shit shit. 

"Lana....I've... I...but.." He was crumbling, and she had no idea how to stop it. 

"Tell you what. Give me a proper proposal. Then...then we'll see, Archer." 

He nodded, and left the room, heading towards what suspiciously seemed to be the bar. They had moved in together a month ago, odd ly enough him moving into her place, so childlike and insistent, and it was so...so different from before. AJ had apparently been the thing to make him grow up. That and realizing you are nearly 40 and still acting like a teenager. Of course there were just some things that were just so Archer that they were never gonna change.but honestly, if she really thought about it.... Would marrying him be that bad? 

..............................................  ........................ 

_Three months later_

Archer swallowed nervously. The box in his pocket felt like a brick, he was pretty sure he was sweating through his jacket, and God Damnit he needed a shot of something. A bouquet of roses was tucked under his arm, and he had an evening like no other planned. He took a deep breath to steady himself, and then opened the door. 

"Holy Shitballs Lana...wow... You look gorgeous..." 

She was wearing a glittering midnight blue dress that hugged her form perfectly, and it left his heart racing to catch up. 

She smiled and kissed him, her fingers lacing through his hair, and he fought the rapidly rising issue between his legs. _Not now. Oh god not now....do NOT piss her off as you think about sliding your hand up that silky fabric and holy shit her nipples are hard fuck why is this so hard? Hehe... Phrasing..._ he led her to the car and they were off, a celebration. Dinner, movie, the best date a girl could have. 

Later, as Lana removed her earrings, Archers voice echoed from the Terrace. "Hey..Lana... Lana....Lana....you know the next time I'll scream..." She spun around  hurrying to shut him up- and her jaw dropped. Rose petals everywhere, candles along the wall...and there in the center stood Archer. "Oh my god..." She murmured. He stepped toward her, eyes piercing and full of emotion. 

"Lana...I. OK I really suck at this stuff. Damnit. Look I...I've changed. A lot. And it's all because of you. I love you...I mean, you gave me a freaking baby. And...And your my best friend. And Lana I know I've done some messed up stuff but it's like, when I'm around you, I wanna change that. You make me just...I can't ever lose you. So would you please marry me?" 

He reached into his pocket and tears filled her eyes as a tattered, shabby grey box came into view. He dropped to one knee and opened it, the beautiful, obviously antique, wedding ring calling to her. 

He had faced countless hit men, terrorists, drug lords, and assassins. He'd watched two men torn apart by crocodiles. He'd been shot, stabbed, drowned, poisoned, bitten by venomous snakes....but nothing terrified him like her. And right now he was really glad he had remembered to take a piss before this whole thing. And then....

"Fine. Yes."

He froze. "What?"

"Yes I'll marry you." 

"WOOOHOO!"

"Archer."

"Yes, Mrs  Archer?"

"Shut up before I change my mind."


	2. License to Wed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wedding.

Archer hunched over the trash can, vomiting Noisily. He straightened, wiped his mouth, and stared into the mirror, his reflection that of a Mildly panicked groom. 

"OK Archer. It's a wedding. You can do this. Just a few hours, walk out, say some stuff, grab her....oh my god I can't do this. I can't do this. Shit I can't do this...." 

His attempt at a mirror pep talk essentially ruined, He turned and paced the dressing room floor, before suddenly allowing his mind to go completely still. He was on a mission. It was a bizzare...fancy dress...hostage situation. They would bring her in, he would negotiate, and then whisk her away. Yeah. Just another mission. OK. That he can do. He walked calmly out of the room as the music started playing and holy shit everything was beautiful. Flowers and ribbons and shit...

He stepped down the Aisle, Cisil as Best Man, the rest of the crazy knuckleheads behind him, and then it was stand and wait. 

She stood, the glowing bride, watching from out of Sight as first AJ was flower girl, and then her future husband take up position. He looked terrified yet calm...

Then her music was playing and she picked up the bouquet, nodded to her bridesmaids, and and set off.  Her beautiful dress flowed and whispered as she walked and then...

Their eyes locked, and the world disappeared and he made that adorable Meeping noise and they were holding hands. 

Their vows passed in a blur and then Seamus was Ring Bearer and Lana smiled tearfully as she slid the gold band onto his finger, as nd he grinned like an idiot as he put the huge rock on her own hand. Then there was a kiss... And a reception. 

"Oh. My. God. It's my wedding. WHY am I BABYSITTING?" She snarled as she dragged Pam away from the buffet. 

Sterling took her hand and the world faded again, and fuck the honeymoon because he was kissing her neck and they needed to find a closet NOW.

When finished and adjusting their clothes he smiled and took her face in his hands. 

"Lana... You were-are- so beautiful. Just..  Thanks. For everything."

She smiled and nodded. "I love you too."


End file.
